Safari Joe's African Safari
by Balin Lord of Moria
Summary: ThunderCats crosses over with Cabela's African Safari. Safari Joe goes on a safari through Africa to hunt more and better prey than any other game hunter. Rated T for violence.
1. Part 1: South Africa 1

**A/N:** In this story, Safari Joe is neither a hero nor a villain. He's simply an impetuous, bold game hunter on a hunting safari in Africa.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _ThunderCats_ or _Cabela's African Safari_, only this story that has fun with them.

* * *

**Part 1: South Africa 1**

"Ha! Safari Joe does it again! Another perfect landing!"

The starship of Safari Joe, intergalactic big game hunter, had just touched down in the wilderness of South Africa, in a hunting camp. Today, Safari Joe had come home to Earth to hunt old-fashioned style on his home world, and the first place he was going to hunt was the wild plains and forests of Africa. And at the beginning of his safari, he was going to hunt in South Africa.

Safari Joe and his assistant, the robot Mule, got off of their ship and met with a native African man who was going to serve as their guide there.

"Welcome to South Africa, Safari Joe!" the guide greeted them. "Oh, I hear the hunting is good today."

"I hope so," said Safari Joe, "Because I intend to get as much excitement and thrills out of this as possible. That's what motivates a good hunter."

"Oh, don't worry, Joe," said the guide, "There are several animals on the schedule today. First of all, we have detected a flock of Turtle Doves in the trees in a forested area off to the west. They should be a good warm-up for you, my man."

"Good," Safari Joe replied, "It almost sounds too easy, but even an experienced hunter like me deserves a good warm-up every now and then."

Before leaving the camp, Mule gave Safari Joe a quick low-down on the challenges of shooting Turtle Doves. He said, "The Turtle Dove is not that fast of a flyer, but it has a certain agility and quickness. Try to come back with five, sir."

"Very good," said Safari Joe, "I love a challenge."

* * *

It was as the guide had said. A little ways to the west, Safari Joe found an area surrounded by scattered trees and bushes, and Turtle Doves were sitting in the trees. Safari Joe set his famous Gatling gun to the smallest, but fastest, ammo, aimed, and fired.

One down. Two. Three. By this time, the birds were panicking and trying to fly away. Safari Joe quickened his aim and soon put a fourth one out of its misery, and finally, a fifth one.

Safari Joe laughed and said, "Safari Joe does it again!" as he always did when he bagged a kill.

* * *

Back at camp, he soon collected his first trophy, for killing five small, agile Turtle Doves. Then he said to the guide, "Shooting small birds is a good test of precise marksmanship, but it's no test of a true hunter's mettle. I need a target that I can search for or track!"

"Well, Mr. Joe," said the guide, "Here is our hunting schedule for the rest of the day." He showed Safari Joe that the options were to hunt three Impala near the Karoo Plateau, or to track and hunt one Kudu.

Safari Joe thought about it for a moment, and then he said, "I choose to hunt the Impala first."

"Okay, Joe," said the guide, "I will tell the others that is what you intend to hunt today."

Safari Joe returned to Mule, who had set up his boss' holojector that they always used to study animal prey and look for weaknesses. Mule activated an image of an Impala on the holoscreen.

"Hmm," said Safari Joe, "That is one beautiful animal. Describe it, Mule."

Mule said, "The Impala is a medium-sized Antelope known for its graceful, slender body and its ability to jump and bound in a zigzag pattern when in danger. Although the Impala can mainly be found in herds on the dry savannah, they must drink water throughout the day to survive. Recommended ammo for hunting Impala is .270, sir."

"Excellent," said Safari Joe. "Now, guide, is there anything further you need to tell me about this hunt?"

"Just this, Joe," said the guide, "You do not have all day to hunt these animals. Time is of the essence, so try not to deviate from your mission. When I scouted ahead earlier, I found animals located to the southeast."

"Thanks, friend," said Safari Joe, "And I assure you, it will not take more than a couple hours for me to find my prey."

"I hope not," said the guide, "Because a little more than a couple hours is all the time you have. You may find the Impala's track on the open plateau."

* * *

Safari Joe walked out into the wilds of Africa, searching for his prey. With the help of his compass, he soon figured out which direction was the general southeast, and he headed in that direction.

Early in his mission, he found a herd of African Buffalo running past him as he trekked through the savannah. It was tempting to gun down some of them, too, but he had been told that to hunt any other animal besides the ones he was assigned to hunt would be a penalty that would mean less reward for his hunting that day. He heard that it was going to be that way on every safari he went on during this great hunt, and he didn't want to cheat on himself when it came to his valuable trophies.

Eventually, the Buffalo had all passed him by, but suddenly, Joe sensed that a Rhinoceros was nearby, and it didn't like the fact that he was trespassing on its territory. It charged him, and Safari Joe realized, to his dismay, that he would have to kill it in self-defense. He did so, shooting the Rhino in the neck, wounding it, and then mercifully finishing it off with another shot to the head.

"Blast!" he said, "I had to kill an animal I wasn't supposed to hunt. Safari Joe can't get penalized for an outrage like this! Unfortunately, I'm not certain that my superiors will see it that way, so I'll just have to take care not to do it again."

After making sure that the Rhino had passed away in peace, Safari Joe resumed the hunt. He had to do a bit of walking about in order to find southeast again, but like before, his compass made it relatively easy. Then he continued on his way.

* * *

The hours wore on as Safari Joe continued to run or walk softly through the tall grass, sometimes walking through bushes or around trees. The day was getting hot. He took a quick drink from his water canteen and looked at his pocket watch. He had been out there for about an hour and a half. He'd better find those Impala soon, or he would lose the hunt, and then he could get in even more trouble for shooting that Rhino, self-defense or no. Remembering that his guide had said that the Impala's track was on the open plateau, he studied the landscape around him, looking for just such a plateau.

Then, finally, he found one such plateau off in the distance, by a body of water. He quietly moved in on it, and there, indeed, were several Impala, either grazing or drinking water. From a good, concealed distance, Safari Joe lined up a shot and killed one of the Impala.

The loud shot Safari Joe fired made the other Impala nervous, and they were spring-loaded to run away. Moving to another hidden spot, Safari Joe aimed again, and managed to kill another Impala. The others panicked, and most of them ran away. But at least one Impala lingered behind, out in the open. Safari Joe didn't think that was very smart on the animal's part, but then again, the only animals that had intelligence on the level of humans (and the many aliens Safari Joe had encountered) were apes, monkeys, and possibly cetaceans, which reminded him, he wasn't allowed to hunt any apes or monkeys on this safari, either. Safari Joe wasn't the most compassionate hunter in the galaxy, but even he knew when to respect the endangered status of an animal, especially an intelligent one, so he left Simians and monkeys alone.

Anyway, seeing that he would have to get closer to this animal in order to get a clear shot, for it was a bit farther away than the others had been, Safari Joe stealthily crept through the grass and the underbrush, being careful not to scare the poor animal. Then, he raised his Gatling rifle again, and fired one bullet into the Impala's neck.

The unsuspecting Impala fell down dead.

Satisfied with the success of his hunt, Safari Joe stood up, tall and proud, and again shouted his catchphrase, "Ha! Safari Joe does it again!"

* * *

Back at camp, Safari Joe was indeed rebuked for killing the Rhino. "You know that the Rhino was not to be killed, Safari Joe," said the guide, "It's an endangered species, after all. The only reason we are removing your penalty this time is because you killed it in self-defense instead of as part of your hunt, and because you killed it instead of letting it suffer needlessly."

"All right, I'm sorry I did that," said Safari Joe, "It _was_ the Rhino that attacked me first, though. But what about the good job I did today hunting the Impala? Surely there's a reward for that?"

The guide said, "Of course there is a reward, Joe. You will be provided with the head of one of your kills as a most excellent trophy for today's hunt."

"Very good!" said Safari Joe, "That's more like it! I think I deserve it."

"Now, you get yourself something cold to drink and get some rest," said the guide, "And swap stories of your kills with the other hunters if you wish to. I think hunters enjoy each other's company, am I right?"

"Yes, we do," admitted Safari Joe, and with that, after thanking the guide and meeting with Mule quickly, Safari Joe went into the bungalow to talk with the other hunters.


	2. Part 1: South Africa 2

**A/N: **I forgot to mention in the first chapter; this story is written according to the PlayStation 2 version of _Cabela's African Safari_, because I own an old PS2, and I happen to like the console a lot.

* * *

**Part 1: South Africa 2**

The next morning, after having some porridge for breakfast, Safari Joe was soon ready to take up the next part of his hunt in South Africa. He walked over to his guide and said, "I'm ready to go hunting again at any time, guide."

The guide said, "Good, man, because one of yesterday's hunts, the one you passed on, is up for hunting again. You have another chance to track and shoot a Kudu as the earlier half of today's schedule."

"Excellent!" said Safari Joe, "It takes a lot of skill to track a Kudu, and I happen to have a lot of it! What else?"

"Well, after the Kudu hunt," replied the guide, "you will go on an extended regular hunt of some Duikers and Springboks. The hunting is really good down where we found them."

"Good," Safari Joe said, "Now, Mule, what is there to say about the Kudu in order for me to hunt it efficiently?"

Mule activated the holojector again. Another Antelope appeared on the screen. Mule explained, "The Kudu is a narrow-bodied Antelope with long legs and a reddish- or bluish-brown coat of fur. Males are usually larger than females. They inhabit thick bushes, rocky hillsides, dry riverbeds, and any other place with a constant supply of water. They also normally avoid open areas to avoid becoming easy targets for predators. Recommended ammo for hunting Kudu is .338, sir. As one extra detail for tracking Kudu, red bugs tend to follow in the wake of its tracks."

Safari Joe looked eager. "Excellent!" he said again. "When Safari Joe goes hunting, the weak herbivores had better beware!" He laughed.

"Remember," the guide told him, "You will find your prey by following the signs your robot, Mule, pointed out for you. And this time, Joe, _please_ do not shoot anything you don't have to shoot."

"I'll do my best," Safari Joe reassured him.

* * *

The tracker pointed out that the Kudu's tracks had been found several meters to the north. He had one hour to track and kill it before it would leave the hunting territory behind and get away. Safari Joe got out there and began to search for the beginning of the tracks.

After about ten minutes of careful examination of the ground, Joe found footprints that looked unmistakably like a Kudu's footprints. He made sure by checking for the red bugs, and sure enough, there they were, swarming around the tracks. Safari Joe kept his eyes to the ground and to his compass, so that he could find his way back to camp after the hunt was over.

It took a long time to follow the tracks to where they stopped, but Safari Joe didn't complain. He was a seasoned hunter, and nothing that went with the hunt, like fatigue or sweat, got to him for quite a long time. He was on this until the hunt was complete.

Finally, Safari Joe realized that he was almost to the end of the tracks. He peeked through the tall grass and found the Kudu grazing only ten meters away from his hiding place. Joe slowly crept towards the Kudu, taking care to be quiet again, and when he deemed himself close enough, he aimed his .338 barrel, and fired.

BAM! It was another success! The Kudu was now dead. Safari Joe stepped in carefully and made sure the animal was dead. Then, he once again shouted his favorite motto: "Safari Joe does it again!"

* * *

After bringing back proof of his kill, the guide, the tracker, and Mule congratulated Safari Joe again. "No, no need to thank me," he said modestly, "It's all in a day's work for the best big game hunter in the galaxy."

Joe then took a short breather with a glass of his favorite cold cherryade, while the others prepared the next hunt for him. When it was ready, the guide informed him that the rest of that day's hunt would involve hunting four Duikers and four Springboks while fending off possible attacks from some African wild dogs in the area. They, too, were believed to be wandering in the space throughout Karoo.

Safari Joe perked up. "Sounds like a decent challenge to me, mate," he said. "Mule, show me what these animals are like!"

Again, the holojector was activated, and another Antelope appeared within it. Mule said, "The Duiker is a medium-sized Antelope with two short horns on its head. These horns make it able to effectively navigate through dense rainforests and quickly dive into bushes when threatened. It also is found in more open areas like savannahs, and can run fast and for long distances. These characteristics separate it into two sub-species, the Yellow-backed Duiker, and the Common gray Duiker. They are highly independent and prefer to act alone. Recommended ammo for hunting Duiker is .243."

"The Springbok is a very slender and graceful Antelope, colored brown and white, and it has an extraordinary jumping ability. It has a pocket-like skin flap that it uses to show off its strength and attract a mate. It is also one of the most abundant Antelopes in all of Africa, numbering over two million individuals. It is known for such leaping actions as 'pronking' and 'stotting.' Recommended ammo for hunting Springbok is same as for Duiker, .243."

"The African wild dog, also known as Lycaon pictus, is a natural predator on the savannahs and other landscapes of Africa. It lives and hunts in large packs, traditionally. Their successful kills range at 80%, compared to the lion's 30%. They usually kill larger prey by immobilization and disemboweling, very rapid and efficient, but it should not be mistaken to be cruel or fierce. Human hunters must be mindful of them while hunting in their territory, for they can be very aggressive and do not tolerate trespassers. Recommended ammo to use against African wild dogs: .243 is just as effective against them as it is against Duikers and Springboks."

Safari Joe whistled. "These big dogs are dangerous. No doubt they'll be an impediment to my safari, but _they_ are the ones that should truly beware. Even if it is _their_ territory, no territorial animal can stand up to the talents and weapons of Safari Joe!" He laughed again.

* * *

A few minutes later, Safari Joe had reloaded his gun and refilled his canteen and rations, and he was ready to resume the day's hunt. As he started out, he felt that luck was with him that day, because a large herd of Springboks suddenly started to stampede off to his left. Needless to say, this pleased him greatly. "This makes part of my job even easier than I expected it to be!" he said to himself.

Hunkering down in the bushes, he aimed and fired. One Springbok fell down, never to return to the herd. He remembered that his guide and tracker had told him to try to kill four of each kind of Antelope, and to kill no more wild dogs than he needed to in order to survive, so he aimed for a second Springbok and shot it, too.

"Two." Said Safari Joe. He aimed again. BAM! "Three." Aiming one more time, he shot a young Springbok trailing at the back of the herd, killing it. "Four! Safari Joe does it again!"

Half of his hunt was already complete. He remembered that his guide told him that the Duikers were off to the northeast of his starting point, near the Karoo Plateau, but not within it. Safari Joe checked his gun and was on his way.

He had a couple of hours to find these animals. Safari Joe sat down for a second; his feet were getting a little sore, but he wouldn't let that slow him down for long. He wiped his face with his neckerchief and took a drink from his canteen again. Finally, he ate a cube of rations and got up, resuming the hunt.

At last, he started to come upon some Duikers not far from the lake where he had found the Impala the previous day. Before he could get close, however, he heard the familiar barking of wild dogs. He turned and saw about half a dozen of them ganging up on him. They growled at him as if to say, "You think you're going anywhere on our home turf? We don't think so! Run away, or we'll eat you!"

Safari Joe almost seemed to read their minds, because he said to them, as if they could understand him, "Oh, yeah? Are you gonna make me run? _I_ don't think so! Come near me, and I'll turn you freaks into dog rugs!"

The dogs snarled aggressively. One of them started to attack Safari Joe, but he fired one of his more futuristic weapons at it, his energy ray, which transformed into a ferocious tiger. Of course, African wild dogs have never seen or heard of tigers, but the terrifying ferocity of the fake creature scared the dog out of its wits, and it ran back to its pack.

Another dog, which might have been the leader, snarled angrily and got ready to attack, too. Fortunately, Safari Joe had once heard of a clever way to earn a wild dog pack's respect. As the big lead dog sprung into action, Safari Joe fired a .243 round of ammo from point-blank range, right into the dog's head. The dog fell to the ground, dead.

The other dogs whimpered for a few seconds at the loss of their leader, but it was obvious that Safari Joe had earned their respect, all right.

"That's right, doggies," he said soothingly, "You're going to have to find yourselves a new leader. But for now, _I_ will lead you. Follow me!" He gestured with his hand and walked forward quietly. The dogs followed.

They got close to the small herd of Duikers, and the dogs noticed them. "That's right," said Joe, using signs so that the dogs would understand him better, "I'm hunting them, and you're going to help me get them. You're going to flush them out of that rocky area where two of them are obviously visible, while I shoot them, got it?"

The wild dogs acknowledged this, almost as if they were nodding humanely. They trotted stealthily towards the rocks, and soon enough, numerous Duikers came running out. The dogs were baying and barking, continuing to spook the animals. Safari Joe took aim, and shot first one Duiker, then two, and then three. He suddenly realized that the lead dog wasn't quite dead, and wanted vengeance on him. Joe swiftly turned and finished off the lead dog before the other dogs could see their leader still living. Then he turned swiftly again, and took down his fourth and last Duiker.

Another successful hunt for Safari Joe. "Ha! Safari Joe does it again!"

He then proceeded to dismiss the dogs, congratulating them for helping a grizzled old hunter bag the rest of his daily kills. He even allowed the dogs to feed off of part of the Duikers' corpses as a reward.

* * *

"Oh, man," said his guide back at camp, "That sounds very clever, you taming those wild animals and using them to finish your daily hunt! You really are good at your job."

"I'll say I am!" said the ever-proud Safari Joe. "Well, I guess its back to base camp for another night's rest, right?"

"Yes, Mr. Joe," said the guide, "No more hunting for today. But we promise you will have another good challenge tomorrow."

"Good," said Safari Joe before heading to the bungalow, "Because what's a sport without a challenge?" He chuckled to himself.


	3. Part 1: South Africa 3

**Part 1: South Africa 3**

Once again, Safari Joe got up and had his breakfast, ready for another day of hunting. He greeted Mule and the tracker and guide, and asked what was next in the South African hunt.

"Oh, yes," said the guide, "The first part of today's hunt is quite exciting. The tracker will be going along with you on this one, Safari Joe, because this is herd hunting."

"Herd hunting?" said Safari Joe, "Ha, ha, ha! Sounds perfect to me! I've been waiting for an opportunity to sit in the back seat of a moving jeep and shoot at the herds as they pass me by! So, which herd animal are we going to be hunting?"

"We'll be hunting Black wildebeest, man," said the guide.

"Wildebeest, eh?" Safari Joe said. "That's excellent! A hunter can learn a thing or two from hunting those stubborn creatures."

He returned to the holojector and asked Mule, "All right then, Mule, what's there to see about the wildebeest?"

Mule brought up a picture of said animal, and he started to explain it.

"The Black wildebeest is a dark-furred quadruped that frequents the plains of Africa. It is known to migrate all over the southern half of the continent, from here in South Africa all the way to the Serengeti in Tanzania. They are most active during the morning and late afternoon, and can run at speeds of up to 50 mph, or 80 km/h. One must not approach a wildebeest too knowingly or too closely, because they snort and run a short distance to get away from any human outdoors. That is why they must be approached in a moving four-wheeled vehicle when hunting or photographing them. Recommended ammo for hunting wildebeest is .300."

"Good!" said Safari Joe, ever laughing, "I love a challenge!"

"Let's go now, Safari Joe!" said the tracker, "Those wildebeest will not be a-waiting for us, you know."

"I'm coming, don't rush me!" said Joe as he jogged toward the hunting jeep.

* * *

They drove out into the countryside. Evidently, the tracker really knew what he was doing, Safari Joe noted, because it didn't take too long for them to find the herd of wildebeest, trampling through the plains of South Africa.

"All right, Joe," said the tracker, "The idea is to shoot at least five of them. If you get all five of them easily, you are free to shoot a few extra, but do not do overkill. We do not want the Black wildebeest to become an endangered species."

"Got it!" said Safari Joe, too excited to worry much about the moral code of being a hunter at the time.

They waited for the herd to get a little closer as they continued driving, and then Safari Joe took aim. As usual, his aim was perfect. One wildebeest went down. Then another one went down. Safari Joe laughed as each one fell to the ground. A third one was bagged by a very precise shot. Then Safari Joe shot one that was a more difficult target from his position on the jeep. It hit, not quite as accurately as the others, but it still killed the target. Finally, he stood up in his seat in the jeep and fired one at one of the wildebeest bold enough to get near the jeep, right between the eyes.

"That's five! Safari Joe does it again!" he proclaimed. Then he suddenly lost it for a moment and started to shoot down a few more wildebeest. He laughed almost maniacally as he took them down. When he got as far as number ten, the tracker suddenly stopped the jeep and shouted at Safari Joe, "Are you nuts, man? I said you shouldn't do overkill with this hunt! Five wildebeest was the goal. You almost did a dishonorable thing back there, man, by killing multiple extras."

Safari Joe had been prepared to retort, but now he just lowered his head and said, "Yeah, you're right, mate. As a sportsman, I should know better than to get overexcited with my skills as a big game hunter. I won't let it happen again."

* * *

"See that you don't let it happen again," said the guide back at the camp, "Because this is the second penalty you've earned in your South African hunting. I admire you as an elite game hunter, Safari Joe, but if you earn one more penalty before the hunt in South Africa is completed, you will be disqualified, and another hunter will take over the role of the best big game hunter in the galaxy."

"Yes, all right," said Safari Joe, "I promise I won't let it happen again at all."

The guide looked at him, as if searching for sincerity. Mule came over and said to the guide, "Do not worry about my boss, sir. Safari Joe gave his word as a sportsman. I know that he will honor it, even if it's only to hold onto his status as the best big game hunter."

"All right, then," the guide said, "I'll give Joe one more chance. There is another kind of beast on the hunting schedule today. It's called the Warthog."

Safari Joe's anticipation came back to life. "Warthogs, huh? Well they're a decent challenge, too, I reckon. After all, they're as aggressive as any wild hog, if I'm not mistaken. Mule! Show me if I'm right!"

Again the holojector was turned on. It showed the small but bad-tempered animal on its screen.

"The Warthog, or Common warthog, is a wild member of the pig family found in grassland, savannah, and woodland in sub-Saharan Africa. The so-called 'warts' on its head are actually protrusions, which serve as a fat reserve and a defensive weapon when males fight. Its two pairs of tusks are also used as formidable weapons. Despite its aggressive nature, Warthogs are peaceful animals by preference, although they will eat insects, eggs, and at times, carrion, in addition to various vegetation. Recommended ammo for hunting Warthogs is .270, sir."

"Hmm, these swine are certainly more dangerous than the average domestic pig," remarked Safari Joe, "Any recommendations for taking them out, Mule?"

"If you can find a concealed, high point in the area where the Warthogs graze, you can sniper them, sir," said Mule. "And the tracker told me that you have to bring back two of them."

"Good," said Joe, again, "Another interesting challenge ahead!"

* * *

The tracker said to Safari Joe at the beginning of the hunt, "We have tracked several animals, including your Warthogs, in an area southeast of here, where there is lots of grass and bushes, but few trees, and only a little water. Good luck, sir!"

"Believe me," said Safari Joe, "As much as I appreciate the offer, Safari Joe makes his own luck."

Safari Joe ran for a while to the southeast, always making sure he didn't deviate from his intended course. The heat never failed in most parts of Africa, but Safari Joe had adapted to it well, and with food and water plentiful anyway, there was no danger of him passing out from sunstroke or heat exhaustion during the hunt.

As he got closer to the targets, he slowed down, walking more quietly. Then, as he had hoped after hearing Mule's advice, he saw a rise of the ground. He decided to climb it and see if any Warthogs could be seen from this vantage point. When he reached the top, there indeed was an area not far below where a few Warthogs were wandering around. They were grazing, as would be expected of them, and they looked like they had just gotten a fresh drink of water.

"Hmm," said Safari Joe, "It should be easy to snipe the first one, as long as I'm quiet and sneaky. The problem is, they all might run away after I shoot the first. I suppose I'll have to be fast with my second shot if I'm going to kill two of those ugly things!"

He went behind some bushes that hid him effectively, but still allowed him to fire at the Warthogs. He took aim at one that was a ways away from him, and fired.

The Warthog sank to the ground and died.

"One!" Safari Joe whisper-hissed. As he predicted, the others panicked and began to run. But one stayed behind and began running about the area, as if looking for the gunman so he could avenge his comrade.

"Bad choice, pig!" said Safari Joe, and he aimed again. The click of his Gatling gun alerted the Warthog, though, and the beast started to charge his hiding place. Joe aimed in a hurry, and fired, and the second Warthog fell dead.

"Two!" he said more loudly. "Ha! Safari Joe does it AGAIN!"

* * *

"Congratulations again, Safari Joe," said his guide.

"There's just one more animal for you to hunt tomorrow," said the tracker. "He's going to be the big prize in your South African hunt, the official Trophy hunt. If you can successfully stalk and kill it without making one more penalty for yourself, you will have fulfilled your role as the greatest hunter in South Africa."

"Excellent!" said Safari Joe, "The first challenge I can sink my teeth into! What, exactly, will I be hunting?"

"Patience, man," said the guide. "You will be told all about it tomorrow. In the meantime, go back to the bungalow and have some drinks and swap stories with the other hunters again."

Safari Joe looked a little disappointed that he had to wait one more night before he'd find out what his ultimate South African hunt was, but he saw the wisdom in waiting for good things, and submitted to his guide's wishes.

"Hey, Mule!" he said on his way to the bungalow, "Maybe this time, you can join in on the fun in the bungalow!"

"Oh, I suppose so, sir," said Mule, "Although I am not the same kind of conversationalist you are, I must admit."

"Don't worry about that," said Joe, "You can simply confirm the prey specifications you always give me before every hunt. And then I can drink you under the table."

"I cannot drink either, sir," said Mule, "I am a robot, remember?"

"Oh, Mule," said Safari Joe, "It's only cherryade and lemonade!"


	4. Part 1: South Africa Trophy Hunt

**Part 1: South Africa Trophy Hunt**

Safari Joe's last hunt in South Africa dawned beautifully. The big game hunter was looking forward to his last hunt that would test his mettle to the limits.

"All right," he said to his guide, "I'm ready to track down and shoot my last prey in this African country. Can I find out who he is now?"

"Of course, Safari Joe," said the guide, "Even though you killed a Rhinoceros unnecessarily three days prior, your target today is going to be a White Rhinoceros."

"A Rhino?" Safari Joe echoed with excitement in his voice.

"That's right, man," the guide confirmed.

"At last!" Joe proclaimed, "This is going to be the best challenge so far in my safari! Is Mule ready to give me my prey specifications yet?"

"Yes, he is, Joe," said the tracker, "And after he does so, I will show you how to locate the animal in question."

"Very good," said Joe, "I'll be ready. All right, Mule, run it again!"

Once more, the holojector was turned on, and it showed a giant, horned animal almost no one could mistake for any other.

"The White Rhinoceros is the largest land mammal after the Elephants, or so it is believed. On its snout it has two horn-like growths, made of keratin, the same substance that a human's fingernails are made out of. These are highly valued on the open market as well as on the illegal black market and for medicine. Rhinos are herbivores, grazing often in grassland and savannah habitats, and mark their territory with their urine. They are mighty strong and can be quite violent if provoked, and their hide is tough, requiring several precise shots for a hunter to kill. Recommended ammo for a Rhinoceros is .505, sir."

"Hmm, not a lot of information I didn't already know," said Safari Joe, "But that makes it an even greater challenge. And .505 ammunition is one of our sharpest bullets in our arsenal. Ha! This will be the turning point in my South African safari!"

"Now remember, man," said the tracker, "The Rhino you are looking for is slightly darker in color than the average White Rhinoceros. There have been two other paler Rhinos detected a short distance from your starting point. On no account are you to kill either of them. We have to keep this animal's conservation efforts in mind. You must sneak past them instead. Trek along the river not far from the first two Rhinos' territory, without distracting other animals if possible. Keep heading north for about fifteen or twenty minutes, and then go slightly to the west. Your Rhino should be somewhere close to the water at that point."

"Got it!" said Safari Joe. "And don't tell me any more, or you'll ruin the fun of the challenge!"

"That's fine, Joe," said the tracker, "Because that's all the information we have for you regarding the pre-hunt."

* * *

Safari Joe headed out along the route his guide pointed out to him. It wasn't long before he came upon the area where the other two White Rhinos were. Privately regretting that he couldn't hunt them as well, he hunkered down in the grass and bushes, taking care not to alert them to his presence. They were to his left, so he kept to the right. After about five minutes of sneaking, he finally made it past the Rhinos, and he was able to move forward slightly quicker again.

There were a variety of animals he passed by as he tracked the path towards the Rhino. Numerous Antelopes of several varieties were wandering about, grazing, or drinking water, ranging from the Duikers and Springboks to Impala and Kudus. The hunter adapted well to his talent at stealth, and managed to pass by the animals without disturbing them. He kept going north for the approximate amount of time his tracker and guide had recommended to him, and then he turned slightly west as he had been told.

Finally, in the shade, a little ways from the river, he spotted his target. The lovely White Rhino was basking in the shade of the trees, generally resting and relaxing from the heat of the day. It sure looked like such a beaut sitting there, with its horns ready to be taken as a trophy, although Safari Joe knew that he'd have to kill the animal first before taking the horns, so that it wouldn't have to suffer any more than absolutely necessary.

Inwardly, he chuckled. _"Pity the beast, when Safari Joe goes hunting. Hmm, hmm, hmm!"_

Safari Joe concealed himself in the bushes near the tree the Rhino rested under, making sure to be strictly quiet. He took careful aim at the animal's hide, and fired.

BAM! The Rhino moaned in pain, and it rose up to find what was trying to hurt it. Safari Joe came out of his hiding place and challenged the Rhino. "That's right, Rhino, I'm here to hunt you! And even you are not going to take me down that easily! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Angered by the hunter's apparent insolence, the Rhino gathered up as much strength as it could muster, and charged Safari Joe. Joe merely dodged the bullhead of the beast with surprising agility, and fired another round into the beast, grazing one of its legs. BAM!

In greater pain, but also more greatly angered, the Rhino got ready to charge him again, albeit with a slight limp.

"Hold still, you dumb animal!" Safari Joe said, as if doing the Rhino a favor, "I'm trying to put you out of your misery! And I can't do it with you constantly running around!"

But the Rhino wouldn't hear of it. It charged the hunter a second time. Again, Safari Joe dodged it, and this time, he was able to put a bullet into the beast's neck. This partially paralyzed the poor animal, making it fall to the ground helplessly.

Safari Joe closed in for the kill. "Relax, now, my worthy opponent," he said soothingly, "It'll all be over in a minute." He aimed at the Rhino's head, taking care not to damage the precious horns, and fired. The Rhino was dead in a few seconds.

".505 bullets really are good ammo, even for my Gatling rifle," he commented, and then, for the last time in South Africa, he shouted, "Ha! Safari Joe does it again!"

* * *

Safari Joe then called in a crew of men to take the horns of the Rhino, and get rid of the carcass. He had certainly earned his trophy that day.

"Excellent work, Safari Joe," said the guide. "You have proven yourself as one of the best hunters in South Africa this year."

"Very good!" Safari Joe cheered, "This Rhino trophy will look great on the wall of my spaceship! Don't you think so, Mule?"

"You're a living legend, Safari Joe," said the robot.

"So, then, where is the next stop in my African safari, if I may ask?" he said to the tracker.

"That would be Namibia, Safari Joe," said the tracker. "We have some slightly greater challenges for you there, including Zebras, Egyptian Geese, more Kudus, and best of all, Leopards."

"Sounds nice and juicy to me!" Safari Joe replied. "All right. I'll be ready to go at dawn. In the meantime, I have one more bonding to do with my brother hunters in the bungalow. Mule, begin loading our stuff back into the ship. In the morning, we're going to Namibia for some more hunting!"

"Oh, very good, Safari Joe," said Mule, and he started to gather up their equipment and the holojector, while Safari Joe did as he said he would and went to the bungalow.

"Watch out Namibia," said Safari Joe, "Because soon, Safari Joe will be hunting in your territory, as well. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"


	5. Part 2: Namibia 1

**Part 2: Namibia 1**

The starship of Safari Joe touched down in the grasslands of Namibia. Another hunting camp, complete with a lodge, had been set up there. Safari Joe shouted his motto again, and he and Mule debarked from the ship, with Mule carrying Safari Joe's equipment.

The same guide was there as before, although a different tracker was there this time. The guide's first words to Safari Joe were, "Welcome to Namibia, Safari Joe!"

"Thanks, mate," said Joe, shaking hands, "I must say, this a pretty-looking country, too. It looks like just the right place for me to face some more good challenges!"

"Oh, there will be challenges here, all right," said the guide, "But be careful when you get to the Trophy hunt. The Rhino was hard enough for you, and don't bite off more than you can chew when you get to the next really big game."

"Who, me?" Safari Joe said proudly, "I don't bite off more than I can chew. I bite off just the right amount of meat, and then I chew it until I swallow it!"

"Very well then, Joe," the guide replied, "Your targets for today's hunting should be good enough to warm you up in this second stop in your safari. First, we want you to hunt three Steenboks, and a little while later, you will hunt three Grant's Zebras."

"Ha! Good! I've always wanted an opportunity to shoot down those black-and-white horses in the wild!" said a delighted Safari Joe.

The holojector was soon all set up, and Mule pointed out the details of the first hunt.

"The Steenbok is another type of Antelope. The shade of its fur is usually anything from fawn to rufous, typically rather orange. Its underside is white, and its ears are large. Its horns are straight, smooth, and parallel to each other, and its tail is almost invisible normally. Steenboks are active during the day when it is cool, but they rest under shade when it is hotter. At the first sign of trouble, they will typically lie low in the vegetation, but when they have to run, it is usually in a zigzag route, like the Impala. Recommended ammo for hunting Steenboks is .243."

"The Grant's Zebra is the smallest sub-species of the Plains Zebra. It is vertically striped in front, horizontally on the back legs, and diagonally on the rump and hind flanks. Some specimens to the north may lack a mane. They are the most plentiful sub-species of Zebra still alive on Earth, but even they are threatened by habitat loss and the ravages of recent civil wars. Nonetheless, because of their abundance, they are permitted to be hunted in limited numbers. Recommended ammo for hunting the Grant's Zebra is .338."

"Hmm," Safari Joe said, raising an eyebrow, "Sounds like a pretty easy warm-up to me. Still, Zebras can conceal themselves very well with those gorgeous stripes of theirs. But don't worry; Safari Joe knows how to pick them out and then flush them out, before moving in for the kill!" He laughed madly.

* * *

The tracker had provided him with enough information for him to find the animals. Safari Joe had taken mental notes of that information. The Steenboks could be found either to the north or to the southeast, around the river or in the bushes. The Zebras were off to the southeast, too. Safari Joe decided to go north first, prolonging the hunt a little extra long, because he enjoyed trekking through the wild when hunting.

Safari Joe had heard once that Steenboks were small and quick, so they would be slightly tricky targets to shoot. To deal with this, he decided to be sneaky and stealthy in his trek through the grass. He had gained many skills from a lifetime's hunting, and he intended to use them well. He had been a hunter all his life, and he loved animals. That was why he liked to kill them. Because he loved them, as clever, respected targets for his Gatling gun, and as trophies for the wall and desk in his ship, not to mention back home in Australia, where he boasted regularly of his abilities in the Northern Territory. He would never kill an animal he didn't like.

Finally, Joe reached the river. He concealed himself in the bushes and searched for his prey, which he eventually found drinking from the riverbed. He remembered that he had to kill three of them, and he took careful aim in the direction of the Steenboks. He waited for one to stick its head up out of the water, and then he shot it.

This, of course, alerted the other Steenboks. Safari Joe managed to land another mark on one that jumped right in front of his gun's sights. The others started to run away.

"Oh, no, you don't," said Safari Joe, "You're not getting away that easily!" He aimed at a fleeing buck and fired again. It was wounded, and it fell to the ground in pain. Remembering the rule of not letting his prey suffer needlessly, Safari Joe ran towards the animal and finished it off with one more bullet.

"Safari Joe does it again!" he shouted, as usual.

* * *

Remembering to switch his ammo from .243 to .338, Safari Joe soon found southeast on his compass, and he headed that way to bag his other prey, but first he radioed in his success on his first hunt. It excited him, hunting Zebras. They were such beautiful things, and they provided a challenge similar to that of the Steenbok. While the Steenbok was small, fast, and ran in zigzags, the Zebra concealed itself well in the grass with its natural stripes. Safari Joe liked it when it was slightly trickier for him to spot his prey, and that was the challenge of hunting a Zebra. It was only a shame that most other Zebra species were too endangered to risk hunting; Joe would've liked to have a trophy of a Grévy's Zebra.

After searching for an hour or so, Safari Joe spotted the Zebras he was after. He wasn't surprised that they were hanging around together in a closed, grassy area. Grant's Zebras tended to like doing that. He lay down on the ground and readied his gun again. He aimed in the direction of the Zebras, waiting for a moment when one of them could be seen clearly enough to shoot.

This took the better part of fifteen minutes. Safari Joe was beginning to get restless. Finally, a Zebra actually stepped up close to Safari Joe's hiding place. And…what a stroke of luck! Two more Zebras were doing just the same. Leering at the poor beasts, he fired off three quick shots with excellent aim. The three Zebras all fell dead.

"And he does it again!" Safari Joe cried.

* * *

"It's pretty typical, the way these beasts just can't hide themselves from experienced human hunters like me!" he said to the guide back at camp. "It just goes to show that animals aren't smarter than mankind!"

"True," said the guide, "But don't overdo it with your pride, man. One day, if you become arrogant, it could be your downfall as a hunter, and perhaps even your death."

"Awww, I'm not afraid of arrogance," said Safari Joe, "As long as I have my weapons and my intelligence about me, I'm not afraid of anything."

The guide shrugged. "Okay, man," he said, "Go have a rest for the rest of the day. We'll have some more good hunting for you tomorrow."

"I'm counting on it," Safari Joe said, and trotted off back to the new bungalow his crew had set up to talk with the other hunters again.


	6. Part 2: Namibia 2

**Part 2: Namibia 2**

Another warm morning dawned in Namibia. The rising sun looked very beautiful as it shone on the landscape of the Namibian grasslands and brush-lands. And once again, after a typical breakfast and another bottle of cold cherryade, Safari Joe got his big gun ready for the next hunt he would soon be sent on.

"Okay, my friend," he asked the guide, "Is the hunting supposed to be good today, too?"

"Oh, yes, man," he replied, "It's supposed to be _very_ good. Here is today's hunting schedule for you to see for yourself." He showed him the hunting schedule. Safari Joe read off the names, Klipspringers, and Egyptian Geese.

"So, it looks like another regular hunt, and then another wing shooting hunt, am I right?" he asked.

"That's right, man," he said, "Mule has got the prey specifications for the Klipspringer already, and he'll give them to you whenever you want them. After that hunt, he'll tell you a few things about hunting Egyptian Geese."

Safari Joe nodded, and walked over to where Mule was waiting by the holojector again. "All right, Mule, turn it on again. I want to see what the challenges to hunting these next animals are."

The holojector turned on again, and again an Antelope appeared on the screen. "The Klipspringer is smaller than most other Antelopes. They have a speckled 'salt and pepper' patterned coat of fur that looks almost olive. Unlike some other Antelopes, females have horns as well as males. These horns are usually four to six inches long. They never have to drink water, because the succulents they consume provide them with enough water to survive. Recommended ammo for hunting Klipspringers is .243, sir," explained Mule.

Safari Joe frowned. "That isn't a lot to go on when it comes to prey specifications, Mule," he said critically.

"Sorry, sir," apologized Mule, "Our knowledge on the Klipspringer is a little limited, and even I am not sure why."

Safari Joe shrugged. "Oh, well," he said, "Perhaps that makes the hunt more interesting. I'll get to see for myself how they react to gunfire." He laughed again, never tiring of showing off his bravado.

* * *

Safari Joe was directed south by the tracker to find his prey. The great hunter ran silently through the grass, keeping alert for any signs of the animals he was looking for.

As he had said, he loved a challenge, and it interested him that he was up against an animal he didn't know a lot about, even if it probably wasn't very dangerous. Safari Joe would give anything for the greatest challenge in the game of big game hunting, and he intended to make it through all these smaller challenges so that he could face the greatest of them all at the end.

But this, to his disappointment, wasn't going to be one of his better challenges. When he came to the Klipspringers, they didn't act much differently than the other Antelope he had hunted, and he was able to shoot five of them rather quickly (five was the number of them he was supposed to try to kill).

"Well, Safari Joe does it again, I suppose," he said with a little less enthusiasm than before. He was looking for challenges. This was too easy, even for him!

* * *

"Don't feel bad about doing an easy hunt, man," said the tracker on the way back, "You can't expect all of them to test you to your limits. Some animals are just easier to kill than others."

"Yes, I know," said Safari Joe, "I just thought I could learn something about this animal while hunting it, since Mule is behind on his knowledge about it. But it appears I overestimated the Klipspringers and their unspectacular defense systems."

"Don't worry, man," the tracker insisted, "It is not _that_ bad. At least you can test your air marksmanship in the next hunt."

"I figured that much when I heard that the next target today is some Egyptian Geese," Safari Joe remarked as they returned to camp.

"All right, Joe," said the guide, "You get to hunt five Egyptian Geese for the rest of the day. Mule will fill you in on the details."

"I only hope he has better info for me than he did before," said Safari Joe, almost warningly.

Mule quickly summed up the instincts and other details about the Egyptian Goose. "Egyptian Geese are greatly territorial and terrestrial, perching in trees and on buildings. They can be aggressive when defending their own territory, especially if other Egyptian Geese are threatening the peace. Your guide wants you to shoot and bag five of them, sir. Recommended ammo for hunting these birds is a 12 gauge shotgun."

"And one other detail, sir," Mule added, "There are also Cardinal Woodpeckers in the same general area where we have found the Geese. You are _not_ to shoot any of those birds, even if they get in the way of one of your shots. They are _not_ game birds."

"So this time, I have to watch my aim while shooting the birdies, because there will be other birdies nearby that I can't shoot, is that it?" said Safari Joe, sounding almost discouraged.

"That is correct, sir," said Mule.

"All right!" Joe exclaimed, "Another good challenge! So much better than picking off easy-to-kill Klipspringers!"

* * *

The guide drove Safari Joe to the wooded area where a large flock of Egyptian Geese was sitting in the trees. "Now, you only have a maximum of ten to fifteen minutes to shoot five of the geese, because they will all fly away sooner or later, so don't dawdle or splurge on ammunition. And you _do_ know how to tell the Geese from the Woodpeckers, even from this distance, don't you?"

"Of course I do!" said Safari Joe, "When Safari Joe goes wing hunting, he always gets his bird!"

Safari Joe jumped out of the van and looked up at the birds. He took aim and killed one Goose just after it took off. The others were alarmed by the gunfire and began flying about. Joe shot another Goose, and then another. A Woodpecker got in his way when he lined up his fourth shot, however.

"Come on, come on, you stupid Woodpecker!" he grumbled, "Move it! Get out of my way!"

But the little bird kept obstructing his view of the Geese. Reluctantly, he waited impatiently for the bird to go away, and eventually, it finally did. But by that time, most of the Geese had gotten away. He took aim very quickly and shot a fourth Goose. Then, at last, he landed a precise, very professional shot on a fifth bird, and his second wing hunt was complete.

"Ha! Safari Joe does it again!" he repeated.

* * *

"You know, Safari Joe," said the guide on the way back to camp, "The Cardinal Woodpeckers are not that dumb. They just live life according to their own style, and they don't care about the struggles of men."

"Yes, I know," said Safari Joe, "I just wish they wouldn't get in my line of vision for such a prolonged amount of time!"

"You have got to be patient, man," said the guide, "That's part of a hunter's mettle. Without patience, he won't be able to make as grand a career as he would otherwise."

"All right, all right," Safari Joe said, "I'll keep it in mind more often. Now let's just get back to camp where I can drink a cold lemonade and gossip with the guys again."

"Sure thing, man," the guide said cheerfully, and continued the drive back to the bungalow.


	7. Part 2: Namibia 3

**Part 2: Namibia 3**

On the morning of the third day, Safari Joe got up again, ready for another challenge, as he always said. The guide and the tracker greeted him again as he came out of his tent.

"Morning, Safari Joe," said the guide, "Ready for some more good hunting?"

"You bet I am!" said Safari Joe, "Have you got another decent challenge for me, or what?"

"Your first hunt is a tracking hunt. You will also be doing a regular hunt and herd hunting today. Mule is ready to show you your new targets right now," said the tracker, "He's over there with the holojector."

"Yes, I figured he would be," said Safari Joe with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. He walked over to Mule and said, "All right, Mule, roll it again."

The holojector activated itself, and yet another Antelope appeared in its projection.

"The Gemsbok is an Antelope species colored light brownish-gray to tan. Their tails are long and black in color. They have muscular necks and shoulders, and they have white 'socks' on their legs. They are widely hunted for their spectacular horns that average 85 cm in length. The horns are the only thing that tells apart the males and the females, and those differences are subtle enough to mistake one gender for the other. Gemsboks live in herds of up to ten to forty animals, they live in the desert primarily, and they can reach running speeds of up to 60 km/h (37 mph). Recommended ammo for hunting Gemsboks is .338. This will be your tracking hunt. You are to track and kill one of these animals."

"You shall also be doing a regular hunt of three Kudus. They have already been described to you in the past, so there's probably no need to remind you of the details. Recommended ammo for hunting Kudus is same as before, .338."

"Indeed," said Safari Joe, "I have a photographic memory of prey specifications, and I already understand Kudus very well. And this Gemsbok sounds like a tough one to track, all right."

"Actually, sir, the Gemsbok can be tracked similarly to the way that you tracked that Kudu in South Africa," said Mule. "It's that simple."

"Well," Safari Joe replied, "that makes it all the more fun for me!" He laughed.

* * *

Safari Joe examined the ground, looking for the tracks of the Gemsbok in question. His tracker had helped him find the beginning of the tracks, and now he was on his own. The tracks continued on in a certain direction. Joe soon located the same red bugs as before, and he used their trail to help him find where the tracks continued to.

Tracking his prey was another favorite pastime of Safari Joe's. It meant a lot to him when he could locate his prey all on his own. He respected the talents of his trackers, all right, but he always prided himself on being the best of them all. Some said that Safari Joe's pride was more like hubris, but Safari Joe didn't care. The only person's opinions that mattered to him in the long run was himself.

The hours wore on, and Safari Joe had to drink from his canteen multiple times in the broiling sunshine, but he finally came upon the animal he was looking for. It was in a barren place, like a section of desert. The animal didn't seem to notice that Safari Joe was in the area.

That was the way Safari Joe preferred it. He followed the tracks a little longer, until he was closing in on the Gemsbok, and he aimed his multi-purpose gun again.

BAM! The hapless Gemsbok fell down and died, just like all the others.

Again, Safari Joe was triumphant. "Ha! Safari Joe does it again!"

* * *

After radioing in the kill, he went west to find some Kudus. He recalled that Kudus loved being around water and could be seen close to them, so he moved closer to slightly more hospitable lands to continue the hunt.

He wondered if he'd need to track these animals too, even though his crew had told him that the Kudu hunt was a regular hunt, without any need for special tracking. But just then, he heard a little movement in the bushes ahead, and he slowed down and quieted his footsteps. He slithered along the ground until he could see a bunch of the animals standing next to or behind the bushes.

Grinning, he lined up his first shot. The unsuspecting Kudu never knew what hit him. Then he snuck over to another spot and aimed at another Kudu. It went down, too.

One of the others started to charge near his hiding place, angered by what was happening. But Safari Joe, as always, was faster. He rose up out of the grass and yelled at the animal, while putting a bullet into its upper torso. Soon his third Kudu was dead.

"Ha! Safari Joe does it again!"

* * *

"I tell you, friend," he later said to his guide, "I'm not only the best hunting gunman, but I'm also the best tracking hunter in the galaxy, too!"

"You certainly are improving, my man," said the guide.

"Improving?" Safari Joe was aghast. "I'm already the best! Who could possibly beat me?"

"Well, for a start, nobody lives forever, Joe," the guide explained, "And there _will_ be others who will come after you. And sooner or later, one of them will outdo you at hunting."

"Keep thinking that way," said Safari Joe, "The world loves an optimist. All right, Mule. What's next?"

Mule started to explain while the holojector showed an image of a quadruped that bore a superficial resemblance to a Wildebeest.

"This hunt will be another herd hunting, of an animal called the Hartebeest. The Hartebeest is a grassland Antelope that resembles a Wildebeest superficially. Their furry coats range from sandy brown to almost black. Both genders have horns. Hartebeest are social animals, forming herds of twenty to three hundred individuals. They are naturally calm, but can be quite ferocious when provoked. It is diurnal, like most Antelopes, and rests in the shade during the hottest part of the day. Recommended ammo for hunting Hartebeest is .300. You are expected to kill five of them, sir."

"Ah!" Safari Joe said dreamily, "Another hunt from the back of a jeep! This should be exciting!"

"Just remember, Joe," his guide reminded him, "No more reckless or gratuitous shooting of extra animals, got it?"

"I got it!" said Safari Joe.

The tracker was soon driving Safari Joe through the Namibian countryside. The hunter noticed that there didn't seem to be as many animals in the area as he had at first assumed there would be. But a few minutes after leaving camp, they came to the stampeding herd of Hartebeest, at last.

Safari Joe prepared his .300 bullets in the barrel of his gun and stood up in his seat. The jeep raced alongside the Hartebeest herd, keeping pace nicely. Safari Joe took aim. There were so many of those animals that he couldn't possibly miss.

BAM! In a few seconds, one Hartebeest was down and out. Safari Joe aimed and fired again. A second animal fell and died. Then a third one was killed.

The herd started to run faster than the jeep. The tracker couldn't risk driving any faster, for fear of crashing and burning on a tree or a bush. But Safari Joe didn't let that stop him. He aimed for another beast, and got a fourth kill.

Finally, he was able to kill the fifth and last kill. And this time, he was able to control himself and not fire at more of them. He sat down and shouted, "Safari Joe does it AGAIN!"

"Hey, man!" said the tracker, "No need to yell in my ear!"

* * *

"Another triumph for Safari Joe, Mule!" Safari Joe boasted again.

"You are a living legend, sir," Mule replied.

"All right, now get your rest, Joe," said the guide, "Because tomorrow is your big Trophy hunt that will conclude your safari in Namibia. And I should warn you, Safari Joe, your second big kill is going to be more dangerous than your first one."

"All the more reason to look forward to the occasion!" said Safari Joe. "I can see it now: Safari Joe, bringing in his greatest prize kill yet, and collecting his next big trophy! It will be grand!"

"Possibly, man," said the guide. "But in the meanwhile, you need to rest again, so you will be ready for the challenge when tomorrow comes."

"Good idea, mate," said Safari Joe, and that night, as the crescent moon shone in the sky, he dreamed of being officially claimed to be the best big game hunter in the galaxy. It wasn't the first time he had dreamed of this, and it wouldn't be the last, either.


	8. Part 2: Namibia Trophy Hunt

**Part 2: Namibia Trophy Hunt**

Dawn rose once more on the wild lands of Namibia. Safari Joe ate his breakfast as calmly as he could, and came out of the bungalow, ready to take on whatever big beast awaited him.

"Good morning, Joe," said the guide and the tracker, "Ready to take on today's grand prize?"

"I've been ready since last night!" said Safari Joe excitedly.

"Very well," said the guide, "Like I said yesterday, man, this animal is more dangerous than a Rhino. In fact, it could eat you if it's angry enough and hungry enough."

"Well, what is it?" demanded Safari Joe.

"It is an African Leopard, mister," said the guide, "And it's quite a nasty one, too. But that is not the catch. There will be other Leopards in the area, as well as the one you will be targeting. And the one you must kill is also the _only_ one you must kill. You must either avoid or outwit the other Leopards at all costs."

Safari Joe's eyes widened. "A Leopard? Only one? Excellent! Now I get my first real challenge on this journey!" He turned to Mule and asked, "Is the holojector ready, Mule?"

"Yes, sir," confirmed Mule.

"Then what are you waiting for? Roll it! I want to know what to expect from this big, savage cat!" Safari Joe exclaimed.

Again, the holojector was activated, and a regal-looking wild cat with a beautiful, spotted coat was soon visible.

"The African Leopard is one of the biggest cats in the world. Its fur coat varies in color, from pale yellow to deep gold or tawny, or even black in some cases. The spots on its body are shaped like empty circles and are called rosettes. They are highly prized for these precious designs on their fur, and have been over-hunted for years as a result, their skins being turned into rugs and ladies' coats. African Leopards have a very broad diet, meaning that they are willing to eat most meats they come across, including man. They are most active between sunset and sunrise, and kill more prey at this time. Recommended ammo for hunting Leopards is .375."

Safari Joe whistled a wolf whistle. "They sure look dangerous. It's a good thing I'm going to be hunting my target during the day instead of at night. Any suggestions, Mule?"

"Neutralize their attack systems with the ammo you use for sentient hunting, like energy bolts, flame throwers, and your transforming energy ray," suggested Mule.

"Ha! Excellent, Mule!" he said, "I'm looking forward to this!"

* * *

Safari Joe was told by the tracker that the Leopard that was the target was the largest trophy-sized Leopard out in the area. The tracker also said that he should go more or less straight north, because he believed that was where the biggest Leopard was last sighted. Safari Joe filed this information in his head as he stepped out into the wild once again.

His compass pointed him in the right direction, as always. He kept a sharp eye and ear out for danger as he jogged through the grass, sometimes hiding behind bushes if he felt that there might be a dangerous animal nearby.

Suddenly, there was a rustle in the bushes. Safari Joe turned in time to see a Leopard bearing down on him. It was too small to be the one he was supposed to kill, especially since he hadn't gotten that far north yet, anyway. But Joe was ready for it. He fired his energy bolt cuffs at the animal before it could get close enough to attack, and the Leopard was lifted above the ground, held in place by the energy bolts. It roared in anger and frustration.

"Don't you worry, nice kitty," Safari Joe assured it, "Those bolts will deactivate in a few minutes, and you'll be free again. But by then, I'll be long gone, so you can't catch me and eat me, now, or ever. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

He resumed the hunt after finishing his talk with the Leopard, which continued to struggle and growl. He didn't really care if it could understand him or not. He just liked to mock his foes whenever he could.

A little farther north, he came across another Leopard. It too wasn't big enough to count as the largest trophy-sized beast. This one didn't charge him, but it did start to circle him warily, snarling quietly, as if warning Safari Joe of its strength, teeth, and claws, or perhaps daring him to _try_ to get past it.

Safari Joe was a little nervous, wondering what to do about this one. He had already used up his energy bolt cuffs on that other Leopard. Then he remembered the flame thrower. Snickering, he shot a stream of flame at the Leopard, surrounding it. They were a special kind of fire, that caused the ground to cave in around the circle it formed. The Leopard fell into its newly-made pit.

Safari Joe smirked, but then, yet another Leopard came from the direction he had left. Could it be...?

"I don't believe it! That first cat must have followed me." Safari Joe whisper-yelled.

But he remembered the flame thrower again. He shot it at the other Leopard, and it too fell into a new pit. Both cats tried to climb out of their pits, but to no avail.

"By the time they find their way out of those pits, I'll definitely be long gone," thought Safari Joe. Then he shouted his motto again, even though the hunt wasn't over.

* * *

Safari Joe walked north again. He was beginning to wonder how he was going to be able to tell which Leopard was the largest, based on all those other Leopards he kept coming across.

Then, at last, in an area with a small number of trees and several rocks, there it was. He wasn't sure exactly how he could tell, other than that it looked bigger than the others. It didn't notice that he was nearby; it was just wandering around among the rocks. Joe realized that this was a good opportunity to sniper the beast, so he looked for a good place to hide.

He found one behind a bush about twenty yards from the Leopard's general wandering area, and observed the animal. It truly wasn't doing anything in particular, and it didn't suspect that its death was near. With a small smile, Safari Joe re-calibrated his gun to .375 ammo, lined up a shot, and fired.

The mighty African Leopard sank to the ground and died.

"Ha! Safari Joe does it AGAIN!"

* * *

"You truly are a hunter of many talents, Safari Joe," said his guide back at camp.

"I'll say!" Safari Joe agreed. "I'm bringing home plenty of trophies after this safari is over!"

"Indeed," said the guide, "As your trophy, we will soon be providing you with the skin of the Leopard you so boldly hunted as your second big game trophy."

"I think I'll put it on the floor of my living room as a decorative rug," mused Joe, "I always did think a Leopard's skin made a hunter's man cave look much more spectacular, especially with a couple of Rhino horns beside it."

"Yes, of course, man," the guide said. "Now get some rest again after you spend some more time with the boys. The third stop on your safari is Botswana, and the hunting is _truly_ good there."

"Botswana. Good!" Safari Joe said with enthusiasm, "I've always wanted to see that country, especially the areas within the Kalahari desert. That's my dream!"

"Well, be prepared for it, man," the guide concluded, "Because the hunting only gets more and more difficult as you move on."

"Why should I be worried?" Safari Joe said innocently, "I'm so good, even the boldest animals find the same challenge in me that I find in them."


	9. Part 3: Botswana 1

**Part 3: Botswana 1**

Again, Safari Joe's ship touched down in the continent of Africa. This time, in was in the famous country of Botswana. Much of the land was a treacherous desert disguised as a paradise, called the Kalahari, but many other parts were inhabited by civilized men, and a lot of them either cared for animals, studied them, or hunted them. Obviously, Safari Joe had come to do the last of those three.

Once again, he and Mule met up with their guide and tracker at a lodge. The guide greeted them amiably.

"Good to see you again, Safari Joe," he said, "Are you ready for some more good hunting?"

"Oh, yes, I am," said Safari Joe, "I'm _always_ ready for a good hunt."

"Good," said the guide. "As usual, you'll be getting a slow start here in Botswana on your first day. Your first targets are the Spur-winged goose and the ostrich."

Safari Joe almost laughed. "Ostriches?" he said. "Those big, flightless birds that stick their heads in the ground? Ha! I'm sure I'll enjoy shooting at them, my friend!"

"Technically, man, ostriches do not really stick their heads in the ground," said the guide, "They're not that stupid."

"Maybe not," said Joe, "But that doesn't mean that they'll escape my aim when I move in for the kill! Now Mule, run the holojector again. I want to learn a little about these birds that I'll be hunting today."

Mule turned on the holojector, and an image of a dark-feathered goose appeared on the screen. "The Spur-winged goose is a species of African waterfowl. Adults are usually 75-115 cm long and weigh an average of 4-6.8 kg. Males are usually larger than females. They are the largest living African waterfowl, and the largest wild geese. It often occurs in open grasslands with lakes, seasonal pools, rivers, swamps, and river deltas. Large inland rivers and lakes are most commonly inhabited, with saline lakes and upland areas generally being avoided, although it can be found at very high elevations. It feeds by grazing, but spends the middle part of the day by water. Recommended ammo for hunting Spur-winged geese is the same as for Egyptian geese, a 12 gauge shotgun."

"The ostrich is the largest flightless bird in the world, and the largest of all birds that still exist. In these modern times, ostriches prefer to live on open land and are native to the savannahs and Sahel of Africa, both north and south of the equatorial forest zone. They are usually seen in pairs or alone. An ostrich can blend into its surroundings fairly well. They can sense predators and hunters from far away due to their acute eyesight and hearing, and they can run at a speed of up to 70 km/h (43 mph), which makes the ostrich the world's fastest two-legged animal. They usually run away from hunters and other humans, but they have been known to confront humans when defending their territory or eggs, and their kicks are very sharp and strong. With the cassowary of Australia, the ostrich is the most dangerous bird to humans in the world. Recommended ammo for hunting ostriches is .300 custom."

Safari Joe eyed the holojector with interest. "The Spur-winged goose doesn't sound too difficult, but these ostriches sound more dangerous than I had thought. You have any ideas on how I can outwit one of them, Mule."

Mule said, "Either shoot them from a distance in a concealed spot, or flush them out of their hiding areas and then shoot them."

"Well, then," said Joe, "This should be a challenge I'll readily enjoy. Come on, tracker, take me to the area where these here geese can be found, eh?"

"Right away, Safari Joe," said the tracker. "And one word of warning, Joe. There will almost certainly be giraffes wandering around the landscape. They are non-game animals, like the African wild dog, the Cardinal woodpecker, and the chimpanzee in South Africa and Namibia. Do _not_ hunt them, no matter how tempting it gets."

"Right, right," said Safari Joe, "I wouldn't kill a giraffe. I have no reason to kill one, especially since they're not a challenge."

"Then let's go, man," said the tracker.

"Good luck with your hunting today, Safari Joe," said the guide.

"Oh, I won't need it once again," said Safari Joe, "Safari Joe always gets his trophy!"

* * *

Safari Joe was taken to a lake with grassland surrounding it, and there were numerous Spur-winged geese frolicking around it. The tracker stayed back as Safari Joe got ready to hunt them. He was told that for this wing shooting, the number of birds he was too shoot was once again five, so that's what he planned on doing.

Safari Joe raised his gun and fired a bullet into the air, frightening the geese. They started to fly away in various directions. Safari Joe quickly took aim and shot one down. _Good, _he thought. _I've got these birds dead in my sights._

He shot another bird and it fell to the ground with its comrade, dead. Safari Joe had to admit, these particular kind of geese were a lot easier to shoot than he had bargained for. It almost made it too easy for him as he shot the remaining ones down.

_Three…four…five._

Safari Joe went back to camp with his bagged geese and reported that this hunt was a little too easy for him. "I need a challenge, not a piece of cake!" he said.

"Don't worry, Safari Joe," said Mule, "Remember what the holojector told you about the ostrich? Those birds are a much greater challenge than the geese."

"He's right, man," said the guide, "Ostriches are a challenge, whether you shoot them while they stand still, at a run, or while defending yourself."

"Yes," said Safari Joe, remembering, "Ostriches are a challenge! How many do I have to shoot, anyway?"

"Two," said the tracker.

Safari Joe laughed. "No problem!" he said confidently, "Safari Joe will do it again!"

* * *

The tracker told Safari Joe that the ostrich hunt was a regular hunt, so there were no special conditions, other than to avoid shooting the non-game animals and any other animals he wasn't supposed to hunt. He also directed Joe southwestward to the place where the ostriches would most likely be, and Safari Joe was on his way.

Safari Joe had to admit, out of all the countries he was hunting in on this African safari, Botswana was the most beautiful. As hot and treacherous as the Kalahari Desert and its surrounding lands were, they had the most amazing animals and plants to look at there, and Safari Joe loved wildlife. That was why he liked to kill many of them. They were worthy opponents to a sportsman like him, and he honored them in death by making them into the most beautiful creations after they were cleaned up and stuffed.

Of course, even he had his limits with hunting. He agreed that it wasn't right at all to hunt certain animals, especially ones that were mildly or critically endangered. One kind of animal he couldn't bear to hunt was the great apes, because they reminded him of humankind so much, and they were the direct links to mankind's past. Besides, there were also some parts of the world he didn't like to hunt in at all. He had once visited the Indonesian islands, more specifically, Borneo, and he had struck up a friendship with an orangutan named Ernie. He had felt as if this "old person of the forest" was chiding him for being a sport hunter, and was also begging him to at least give the orangutans and the other great apes a break.

Safari Joe had been moved by this communication, and he swore that day that no matter how much part of him wanted to, he would never hunt, or kill for any other reason except self-defense, an ape. As a result, he didn't hunt monkeys very often, either, even though he sometimes wondered what monkey meat tasted like.

To get back to reality, Safari Joe had been going southwest for some time now. He walked through grass, he ran through more grass, and he sidestepped the obstructions deftly, like trees, boulders, and bushes. Finally, he started to climb up a hill, and when he came to the top, he halted and became silent. He took a drink from his canteen and looked more closely.

There they were, the ostriches, two of them! To increase his chances of keeping up the second in case it did start running away, Safari Joe lined up a shot on the one that was slightly farther away. He reasoned that it was also likely that if he hit that one first, the second one might run towards him instead of away from him, thinking the bullet came from the opposite direction.

Joe aimed at the farther ostrich, and fired at its torso near the neck, twice. The bird dropped down, dead. The second one indeed did start to run, but in neither direction that Joe had thought. It ran off to the side.

Safari Joe leaped out of hiding and ran after it. It truly was faster than him, but before it could get too far, Safari Joe shot it in the rear end, causing it to collapse in pain. Joe soon caught up to it. Once again remembering his principle not to let his victims suffer more than truly necessary, he finished off the bird with another torso shot.

"Ha! Ha! Safari Joe does it again!" he shouted to the landscape around him.

* * *

"Congratulations are in order once again, Safari Joe," said the guide, "I think hunting is your kind of game."

"Yes, it's a game, all right," said Safari Joe, "It's a game of hunter versus hunted, and when I'm the hunter, the hunter _always_ wins."

"Well, get your rest now, Joe," the guide said, "Swap stories with the other hunters again, man. Tomorrow is another day."

"Yes, it is," said Safari Joe, "And I'm looking forward to it!"

"Aren't we all, sir?" remarked Mule.


End file.
